Helpless

Feel helpless sometimes.

In this world no body will really help you to overcome your problems. You have to fix it all on your own. But why do i feel helpless? Is it that i can't figure out the solution?I wonder how others can do it.

Since primary school, i didn't study at all. All I have done was rely on my friends' answers and tuition teachers. I feel the 'study' mood since i came to Swinburne University. And i found that it is hard for me as i didn't really study all there time.

Anywhere, i gonna try it myself. Wish me good luck. 힘 세요내.

At this moment, i want someone to scold me, desperately... I do nothing for this few weeks... Totally in holiday mood... I hate myself... I hate that i am not serious in my academic... I hate that i came back to this place... I hate that no family around me... I hate that my buddies are not by my side... I hate that i am still a little kid deep inside my heart... I hate the disease in my body... Why am i the one who need to suffer, but other teenagers can live their life happily? Why me? Out of so many people in this world...

Please, somebody scold me... So that i can wake up from my emo-ness... I dun wish to be like that... but somehow i am like that now... I feel like crying, but my tears keep me away... I can't stand it anymore... neither the itchiness nor the stress...

I dun want to be a mature girl anymore... Coz i am tired of that... I started to realize i dun hv a childish childhood... I thought like a 20 years old girl when i was 10. But i regret now... I want to go back... How i wish people around me will treat me like a little girl and take good care of me... I wished not to trouble them when i was young... But i feel lonely now, coz no body really think of me... I feel abandon... I wish i can b a dumb forever... I feel tired to chase after her... Not that she is not good, but i am just tired... Out of 20 years of my life... I chase at her back for 10 years.... I dun want to do it anymore.... Can i just throw everything away and live an ordinary life? I dun want to care about how my relative think of me anymore...

Yupp, i won.... I won everyone, but i am not happy now... i dun want to be a genius, all i need is just one word - CARE

Decision

I make a decision, last night. Although it is not a big deal for other people, for me it is. I don't want to live behind others' shadow any more. I joined drama club. I hope I can find the long lost me who love to organize and participate in activities. I don't want to let my laziness keep on haunting me. I want to chase YOU away. Get OFF!!!

Furthermore, I done something bad last night, and I know it will hurt somebody. But I have to do it, cause I don't want to let the wound getting worse in the future. Forgive me. I am not suitable for you.

Exam is coming in one week time, stress is the only word I can use to describe myself now. I want better result. And I have to work hard. "There is no free lunch in the world." Carmen, stop being lazy!!! Fight for it and you can do it!!! Aza aza!!!

Heard of a gang of people back stabbed me again. But what to do if that is their hobby? Just let them be. They will realize how childish they are someday. No point to bother them, I just live my life for myself. What people say about me is not important, what I think about myself is more important.

Sometimes friendship doesn't that easy as what you think. You treat him/her with your true heart, doesn't mean that they will appreciate and accept you. So stop wasting your time to be with those people, they wouldn't make your life better, insist make your life bitter.

Again

It was months ago when i updating my blog...

Ya, here's the last night at home. Although i was praying to not let this day to come, it has arrive. Packing as usual, but something different is ____. Sky had left, Ivy flow, Munyin, Michael Lee, Evonne, Nicole, Eugenie too. Who will be the next? Joann? Min Whui? Feel so unsafe when they all are far far away from me. How about others? Connie, Chuyee, Kholi, Yilin, Sarah, Kitmun, Yinhui, guai shu shu HueyMeing, Julia, Horkar, and etc. Hope to see them soon, but when will it be? I miss the past when we make noise in class, let teachers scold us, running on the field, challenging 16 rounds test, sukan tara, marching, softball, handball, basketball, swimming, acrobats, netball, high jump, long jump, lontar peluru, ribbon dance, supporting the four singer from our class, sport day, dancing, sleeping in the lab, ponteng with 'kapten', camping, organize event, group work, extraordinary drama performance, trip, cry together, smile together, make the male teacher feel shy, eating behind Miss Thein during Add Math time, starwalk, international run, sing together, hiking, practicing for competition in China, Genting and Penang, decorating our aquarium, chit-chatting in the canteen, grow up together and all my memories in AMC for 13 years. It makes who i am now. And most importantly, our friendship. Some even more than 15 years. I appreciate it. It is my pleasures to meet you all, my dear friends from AMC...

A 'W' Sign

The letters that the stars created in the night sky

I still believe that it is nit just by chance

In the same darkness, in the same distance

We are painting the W in the same way

We will shine more and more so that you can find us

Keep in mind that I love you

I wish...

Our path will cross again, I am thinking about you every time i close my eyes, you're everything

It is still natural that you are by our side

We can only wish that you are happy

We will climb our stairs one by one

We are still waiting for you, imagining our future

I wish...

Our path will cross again, I am thinking about you every time i close my eyes, you're everything

It is still natural that you are by our side

We will keep you a place here, until the day we can meet again

We believe that we can laugh together with you once again

You're my love

Please hold on

Even when the days pass by, and that there may be pains

You are always our pride

the words that murmured to the stars shining in the night sky

We still believe that it is not a Good bye

Under the same sky, dreaming that same dream

We are still searching for the W

We will always shine in the same shape

Keep in mind that I love you

I want to see you, see you

Although a 'W' may be doesn't mean anything to most of the people, for me, it does mean a lot. It is a signature of a Cassiopeia. It is how a Cassiopeia look like in the dark sky. I truly believe that they can keep on shining forever. Although without five of them , we will wait in passion. The spirit will always keep in our soul.

Always keep the faith!!! My TVXQ

Emo?

Read something that freeze my heart again. I shouldn't have that curiosity to click on that link. I shouldn't have read that passage. And now i emo again. What for to emo because of it? But i can't control myself. May be I still can't let go. But soon or later, I will. I trust myself!

I wonder what friendship mean to you, is it so easy to break a friend's heart? Or dump him/her half way in your journey? I really feel cool and shivering when I know that you still can smile when you lost a friend. Is that call cold-blooded or I should say you are childish?

Anywhere, it has come to this end and it should be end like that, we should not change the ending, and let the ending end there forever...