I Hate Myself

When I am in this kind of situation, i really don't know what to do. I am lost, totally. I hate myself. I hate that I am being like that. Why do I put that in such an important place in my heart? Why do I care? The answer is so obvious. Everybody know, i can't lie, but he don't know. I hate this kind of feeling. I hate to see what happen right now. Mad is the only feeling. But, what can i do? Give up? Maybe that is a better way. Easy come easy go, can I? I am doubtful. Why the feeling can be so different in a same day and same place? Waiting and searching, but still, I don't get it. I hate myself!!!

Carmen's Journey

After sometime, i realize my blog named Carmen's Journey. I should talk about what i met along my journey of life, but not hoow and why i keep on staying at the same point. My future will never be an asymptote. I will get through it someday. And the answer that i am searching these days will review by itself.

Eight more days to go. And i will be back to a place that i should start a different life. New home and new stage of life-degree in Mechatronics And Robotics. How will it affect my future? Insist, i should think of how to make it lead me to a better future. A great job, high salary? Whatever. What i wish now is that how i get to find someone who can accompany me in my whole life. That is not a dream, but will come true someday. Every girl seek for that. And that is important to complete my life. May be now is not the time, but i look forward for that. As i am a Pisces, that's really important for me. Really really...

Hide And Seek

For the people who know me, and close to me. They know that i hate to play hide and seek. It is too childish for me. I got no passion on that. I like to state every thing clearly. Doubtful, not my favorite. Straight to the point is my style. Guessing and wondering, i hate that. So please be honour to me. Or else i will just pretend i don't get what you mean and ignore your tips. Continue to live my life as usual. No hide and seek. You can hide yourself forever, and i wouldn't seek for you, until you are ready to turn up.

Random

I shouldn't listen to people around me. I should decide my future by myself. Standing at this junction, i dun feel like doing anything. I would like to just stay here, pending. But i can't just stop, i have to continue my life. Time is still running. Tick tick, i can hear the clock up there. Maybe just a small break, gasping. But, what is the scale of it? How short it is? Undetermined. Direction-less. If time could stop, i wish it stop now. But if i could travel through time, i don't wanna be here anymore. Perhaps future? Or few years back then. Refuse to grow. Just stay as a little girl with nothing to worry about. Stay happy. A crazy thought. Should think of more meaningful way to go. But where? I should choose, shouldn't I? How it gonna works? Somewhere, Someone who know the answer. Someday, somebody might reveal it.

True Friend

I don't why we consider good friend as we doesn't talk much. May be we have understand each other deeply not through words. But through a link, through our heart. Still remember, during standard four, Mrs Lee wanted us to sit side by side. It is just a coincident that we met. But somehow we have become good friend. I seldom talk to her. Every time i fine her is just because i want to ask her about the homework teachers given. But who knows, we will sit together for five years. My whole secondary school life. Although we still didn't talk much, but we have become librarian together, and we joined the cadet reporter. We have gone through sad, happy, and memorable moment. Five years is too short, it passed too fast. But until today, i still feel that our friendship never fade. We still have the same thought although we have separated. I think she feel the same too. My best friend ever~ Skyan. ^^

An Ending

No matter what happen. I have finish my foundation of engineering at Swinburne University, Kuching. Our result is out today. Although i can't get a good result for that, but i am satisfied. ^^

One semester passed so fast. It was just like yesterday when i first step back on Kuching's land on 21 of March. Sitting on Melvin's car and listening to him. He was telling us about two of my friends will be back in Kuching at that particular night. Still remember i am not so close with them that time. But who knows, when the 2nd semester started, one of them become my classmate and one of them become my closest friend.

Feel so surprise when she walked into our class that morning. There was some technical problems occurred, so she and some of my friends have been given the wrong timetable. Hahaz. That's how our friendship really started. At first i just treat her as a normal friend. But after all, the whole semester had ended, i realize that she is kind of nice person. ^^

Secondly, is my closest friend for this semester. Still remember that was his birthday that night. Although he said he don't really care of it, but we have celebrate his birthday by watching movie. Is that time, when we started to become so close? Or because of the next day, when we when to Gunung Gading? But that was so many things happen between us like the rumor our friend spreaded. At first he thought i am mad, but i didn't. Seriously i am not angry of him. I just don't like people talk about me. I am not a superstar and i don't need them to spread my news. What i feel is just like that song he told me. Thank God that we still can become so close like now. No matter how, i feel glad to have him in this semester. Hope he feel the same too. (:

Of course, beside them i have three great friends who are always by my side when i need them. We when Damai together. Done crazy stuff at night. But there were still serious cases between us. Every time after chat with them my heart will feel better. Thanks them for help me keeping my secret. I will miss those days. Is a best memory in my life. I will never forget, especially when we share our 'emo' stuff. I hope they can get through what they want, same for me too. I wish our friendship can last forever. Still i have to thank the 'driver'. Hahaz.

My classmates for this semester also brought me a lot of laughter but sometimes they are just a little bit over. But still i am happy to meet them. Other than that, is my new 'daddy' and 'brother' for this semester. I will never forget what we shared. And lastly, i feel glad to finally meet with a person who play Sheng. Feel happy to share with him my experience. He is a true friend.

At last, i hope all of them will have a great future. Although we are from different places, but thank God that i have came to Kuching and meet with you guys. xD

Happy holiday. ;-)