Last day of November, i lost too much in this month, either money or stuff, even something and someone that can not be return. But i gain too. It is a month that fill with joy, happiness, sad, emoness, tears and smiles. Glad that i still have friends that will listen to me when i am loss and helpless. I will stay strong for the coming days. Thanks for the supports and words from you all. ^^

I try to be strong for too long, and i try to be happy to face all the obstacles in my life.

I start to think mature since i am stardard six.

I done everything that won make my parents worry about me.

I maka ppl around me feel happy and great.

But how about myself? Am I happy?

I dunno.

Can i cry when i am sad?

Why am I asking other ppl whether i can cry?

Because i lost myself.

I realize that I too care about ppl around me,

and I forgot that i am also a human being....

You Are The Apple Of My Eyes

Finally i watched this movie. Waited for more than half a year already. Watched it with Zhi Yong, Benji and of course my precious roommate. Such a nice movie. Feel so happy tonight. Actually i hope to watch it with more people, then only we can have that "feel". If somebody ask me to watch again, may be i will go with them. Haha.

Think of him again. A person that will always in my mind and I will never forget. I regret that I didn't accept his invitation. I regret that I push him at the staircase beside the basketball court. However, it is still an unforgettable memories to me. Although it becomes the past, i will keep this memorable moment on my mind. How are u? Wish you doing fine out there. I am fine here. :)

p/s: Happy Single Day(11.11.11)

A Bad Day? Perhaps There Will be Better Day Tomorrow

Went to campus at 8am today... Took a bowl of BBQ bihun at cafeteria. Then start to do our lab reports at open lab... Draw the multisim with a lot of hard work with yong hao, and yet the result deosn't match the theoretical value. Conclusion, din finish one of the reportS.. All stopped half way. Why these reports so hard to do? I hate electric!

My Dell adapter officially announce his death. RIP my dearest adapter which accompany me when ever I am lonely and emo this two years in Kuching. Sob sob. Why i leave me at this important timing? Why? Why? Why?

Tricked by the Watson today. 20% discount and the price is RM23. Yet, they charge me RM29.95 for it. Shit. I should have return back that item and ask them to refund. One happy thing for today is, finally i found the file that i want at Popular. Left with two pink files only. How lucky am I to get it on time. Thanks ah gong who decided to go Boulevard today.

Still, it can't cheer me up cause I really need my laptop to finish my Multisim, lab reports, c programming assignment. Without it, i really can't do anything. God please let me get the adapter as soon as possible. Pray pray pray.

Said something that make me regret again. Why i can't filter my words before i speak it out? Haiz, such a loser in social although I always get praised by the others that my social skill is very good. Now I wonder are they lying to me all this time.

At last i know how my ah ma look like today. Went Mcd and Boulevard with her and ah gong. She is such a nice person. Never predict that we start to gossip about 'someone' although we just know each other. Hehe.

Luckily I got a good sister, she promise to sponsor me RM50 for the adapter. Although it is only 1/3 of the actual price, i am very happy with it. Someone wishing me good luck for tomorrow. Hopefully it will really come true. I should be positive.

p/s: Thing goes right when you reach the end. =)

Realize that my blog full of my negative posts, LOL. So, i decided to write something that is positive.

Feel so happy these few days although there are non-stop of class test and quiz going on, i have to tell the world that "NO MORE TEST" for the moment. But still, is a big relief for me. At last, i can sit down in front of my laptop and finish my drama and others tv programs.

I think i found the happiest things in Kuching. Stop feeling emo and boring. Sometimes, friends can make u laugh non-stop and it chases all your emo-ness and stress away. Feel so great to hang out again with my sakai gang at Mcd last week. It is the best moment for me this semester. And i hope this feeling will continue until I finish my degree here. Am i too greedy? =P

Apart of the sakai gang, i feel like i got more friends this semester. Although i meet them two years ago, i just feel that we all getting closer these days. Feel great to have them who paint my degree life with beautiful color. Thanks for that. =)

Listening to TVXQ's songs now. I miss them so much. Hopefully JYJ's hope will come true. God please let them meet again. It is a wish from all the Cassiopeia.*Cross my fingers and pray*

My eczema getting serious these days. Is it because I stop the medicine? Or because of stress?Anywhere, hope to end this semester faster, then only i can go home to consult a better doctor. I still hope there will be some cures, although i know it is almost impossible as my sister told me so and those information that i got from the internet. But I should think positively, cause never try never know. I hope my skin's condition will be better this coming CNY, so that i can be a pretty girl again =)

Helpless

Feel helpless sometimes.

In this world no body will really help you to overcome your problems. You have to fix it all on your own. But why do i feel helpless? Is it that i can't figure out the solution?I wonder how others can do it.

Since primary school, i didn't study at all. All I have done was rely on my friends' answers and tuition teachers. I feel the 'study' mood since i came to Swinburne University. And i found that it is hard for me as i didn't really study all there time.

Anywhere, i gonna try it myself. Wish me good luck. 힘 세요내.

At this moment, i want someone to scold me, desperately... I do nothing for this few weeks... Totally in holiday mood... I hate myself... I hate that i am not serious in my academic... I hate that i came back to this place... I hate that no family around me... I hate that my buddies are not by my side... I hate that i am still a little kid deep inside my heart... I hate the disease in my body... Why am i the one who need to suffer, but other teenagers can live their life happily? Why me? Out of so many people in this world...

Please, somebody scold me... So that i can wake up from my emo-ness... I dun wish to be like that... but somehow i am like that now... I feel like crying, but my tears keep me away... I can't stand it anymore... neither the itchiness nor the stress...

I dun want to be a mature girl anymore... Coz i am tired of that... I started to realize i dun hv a childish childhood... I thought like a 20 years old girl when i was 10. But i regret now... I want to go back... How i wish people around me will treat me like a little girl and take good care of me... I wished not to trouble them when i was young... But i feel lonely now, coz no body really think of me... I feel abandon... I wish i can b a dumb forever... I feel tired to chase after her... Not that she is not good, but i am just tired... Out of 20 years of my life... I chase at her back for 10 years.... I dun want to do it anymore.... Can i just throw everything away and live an ordinary life? I dun want to care about how my relative think of me anymore...

Yupp, i won.... I won everyone, but i am not happy now... i dun want to be a genius, all i need is just one word - CARE

Decision

I make a decision, last night. Although it is not a big deal for other people, for me it is. I don't want to live behind others' shadow any more. I joined drama club. I hope I can find the long lost me who love to organize and participate in activities. I don't want to let my laziness keep on haunting me. I want to chase YOU away. Get OFF!!!

Furthermore, I done something bad last night, and I know it will hurt somebody. But I have to do it, cause I don't want to let the wound getting worse in the future. Forgive me. I am not suitable for you.

Exam is coming in one week time, stress is the only word I can use to describe myself now. I want better result. And I have to work hard. "There is no free lunch in the world." Carmen, stop being lazy!!! Fight for it and you can do it!!! Aza aza!!!

Heard of a gang of people back stabbed me again. But what to do if that is their hobby? Just let them be. They will realize how childish they are someday. No point to bother them, I just live my life for myself. What people say about me is not important, what I think about myself is more important.

Sometimes friendship doesn't that easy as what you think. You treat him/her with your true heart, doesn't mean that they will appreciate and accept you. So stop wasting your time to be with those people, they wouldn't make your life better, insist make your life bitter.

Again

It was months ago when i updating my blog...

Ya, here's the last night at home. Although i was praying to not let this day to come, it has arrive. Packing as usual, but something different is ____. Sky had left, Ivy flow, Munyin, Michael Lee, Evonne, Nicole, Eugenie too. Who will be the next? Joann? Min Whui? Feel so unsafe when they all are far far away from me. How about others? Connie, Chuyee, Kholi, Yilin, Sarah, Kitmun, Yinhui, guai shu shu HueyMeing, Julia, Horkar, and etc. Hope to see them soon, but when will it be? I miss the past when we make noise in class, let teachers scold us, running on the field, challenging 16 rounds test, sukan tara, marching, softball, handball, basketball, swimming, acrobats, netball, high jump, long jump, lontar peluru, ribbon dance, supporting the four singer from our class, sport day, dancing, sleeping in the lab, ponteng with 'kapten', camping, organize event, group work, extraordinary drama performance, trip, cry together, smile together, make the male teacher feel shy, eating behind Miss Thein during Add Math time, starwalk, international run, sing together, hiking, practicing for competition in China, Genting and Penang, decorating our aquarium, chit-chatting in the canteen, grow up together and all my memories in AMC for 13 years. It makes who i am now. And most importantly, our friendship. Some even more than 15 years. I appreciate it. It is my pleasures to meet you all, my dear friends from AMC...